Parishioners um... Rant?

Football column is back, but instead of talking about football, I’m going to rant. Here goes: What the f*** is wrong with everyone this time of year? I don’t get it. “I love the colors,” “Lets watch the leaves change,” “How ‘bout some cider?” Has no one else noticed that it is considerably colder? Or how it gets dark after lunch now? Likewise, I get up for class or work and its pitch black. How is this a good time of year? How is anyone enjoying themselves? Have you looked outside today? Its miserable. I should have stayed in bed. Everyone should stay in bed.

Further, does pumpkin have to reach into every facet of our lives? I mean, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin bread, etc. Is there anything we can’t put pumpkin in? “New at Taco Bell, Double Decker Pumpkin Tacos, limited time only.” “For a limited time at your local Papa Murphy’s, try our new Deep Dish Pumpkin Pizza!” And seriously, who really likes the way pumpkin tastes? When’s the last time you picked up a pumpkin at the store and planned on preparing a meal around it? What is a pumpkin anyways? Vegetable? Fruit? The seeds taste awful, the insides make me want to gag, and I’d rather get maced than smell anything close to this meaningless melon. Yet somehow, we are subjected to this pumpkin propaganda two months out of every year. You know what I say? FUP CUPKINS! FUMPKINS! In all seriousness, I hate pumpkins. I don’t know what their good for other than to provide us with another hideous shade of orange. Henceforth, we shall refer to pumpkins as “Ginger Squash.”

I could run down my picks, but no one cares. The Cardinals play in New York Sunday night against the Giants. The Giants are giving them 7, I say take the Cardinals and the over. New York’s secondary is beat like Falcon Heene after giving up the ghost on mom and dad, and we all know how much Kurt likes to throw. Pay attention to the wind: I heard they cook both Eli and Kurt’s arm to al dente before games.